“customer!”

Wait!
What's [bad word] 
What's yer hurry?
You gave me such a-- fright!
I thought you was a ghost
Half a minute, can'tcher? Sit!
Sit ye down! Sit!
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks

Did [bad word] in for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague--

What is that?

But you'd think we'd had the plague
From the way that people
Keep avoidin'--

No you don't!
 
Heaven knows I try, sir!
But there's no [bad word] in even to inhale
Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?
Mind you, I can hardly blame them

These are probably the worst pies in London
I know why nobody cares to take them
I should know - I make 'em
But good? No!
The worst pies in London
Even that's polite
The worst pies in London
If you doubt it, take a bite--

Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it
It's nothing but [bad word] Here drink this, you'll need it
The worst pies in London

And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
Never
Thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a treat
Finding poor
Animals
Wot are dyin' in the street

Mrs. Moony has a pie shop
Does a business, but I notice somethin' weird--
Lately all her neighbour's cats have disappeared
Have to hand it to her
Wot I calls
Enterprise
Poppin' pussies into pies

Wouldn't do in my shop
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick
And I'm telling you them [bad word] cats is quick
No denyin' times is hard, sir

Even harder than the worst pies in London
Only lard and nothing more
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty
It looks like it's molting
And tastes like-- well, pity
woman alone
With limited wind
And the worst pies in London!

Ah, sir
Times is hard
Times is hard