Bless this day 
Pinnacle of life 
Husband joined to wife 
The heart leaps up to behold 
This golden day 

Today is for Emma 
Emma, I give you the rest of my life 
To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever 
Today is for Emma 
My happily soon-to-be wife 

Pardon me, is everybody here? Because if everybody's here, I 
Want to thank you all [bad word] to the wedding, I'd appreciate 
Your going even more, I mean you must have lots of better things 
To do, and not a word of this to Will, remember Will, you know, 
The man I'm gonna marry, but I'm not, because I [bad word] 
Anyone as wonderful as he is-- 
Thank you all 
For the gifts and the flowers, 
Thank you all, 
Now it's back to the showers, 
Don't tell Will, 
But I'm not getting married today. 

Bless this day 
Tragedy of life 
Husband joined to wife 
The heart sinks down and feels dead 
This dreadful day 

Listen, everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for, 
wedding, what's a wedding, it's a prehistoric ritual 
Where everybody promises fidelity forever, which is 
Maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of, which is 
Followed by a honeymoon, where suddenly he'll realize he's 
Saddled with a nut, and wanna kill me, which he should-- 
Thanks a bunch, 
But I'm not getting married-- 
Go have lunch, 
'Cause I'm not getting married-- 
You've been grand, 
But I'm not getting married-- 
Don't just stand there, 
I'm not getting married-- 
And don't tell Will, 
But I'm not getting married today. 

Go, can't you go? 
Why is no- 
Body listening? 
Goodbye 
Go and cry 
At another person's wake 
If you're quick 
For a kick 
You could pick 
Up a christening 
But please 
On my knees 
There's a human life at stake! 

Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear, or do you want to 
See a crazy lady fall apart in front of you, it isn't only Will 
Who may [bad word] his life, you know we'll both of us be losing 
Our identities, I telephoned my analyst about it and he said to 
See him Monday, but by Monday I'll be floating in the Hudson with 
The other garbage-- 
I'm not well, 
So I'm not getting married-- 
You've been swell, 
But I'm not getting married-- 
Clear the hall, 
'Cause I'm not getting married-- 
Thank you all, 
But I'm not getting married-- 
And don't tell Will, 
But I'm not getting married today. 

Bless this bride 
Totally insane 
Slipping down the drain 
And bless this day in our hearts 
As it starts 
To rain 

Today is for 
Go, can't you go? |Emma, 
Look, you know |Emma, 
I adore you all |I give you 
But why |The rest of 
Watch me die |My life, 
Like Eliza on the ice? |To cherish 
Look, perhaps |And to keep you, 
I'll collapse |To honor you 
In the apse |Forever, 
Right before you all, |Today is for Emma, 
So take |My happily 
Back the cake, |Soon-to-be 
Burn the shoes and boil the rice. |Wife, 
Look, I didn't wanna have to |My adorable 
Tell you, but I may [bad word] |Wife. 
Down with Hepatitis, and I 
Think I'm gonna faint, so if 
You wanna see me faint, I'll 
Do it happily, but wouldn't 
It be funnier to go and watch 
funeral, so thank you for the 
Twenty-seven dinner plates, 
Thirty-seven butter knives, 
Forty-seven paperweights, 
Fifty-seven candleholders-- 

One more thing-- 

I am not getting married! 

Amen! 

Softly said-- 

But I'm not getting married! 

Amen! 

With this ring-- 

Still I'm not getting married! 

Amen! 

I thee wed. 

See, I'm not getting married! 

Amen! 

Let us pray Let us pray 
That w