Into the streams of The black river

Getting [bad word] again next to The black river 
Breaking free from thoughts that were making me shiver 
Lately I find it difficult to tell reality from dreams 
And I wanna cut someone and throw him into the streams 
I could rip my hair off my head in anger  [bad word] my skull with a [bad word] hammer 
And I could break my fingers all the way back 
Or just jump on someones face and hear it crack 
I feel like gnawing my skin 'til I can see the bone 
And how the [bad word] could I not feel alone? 
When I at night am laying sleepless in bed 
Thinking of all my friends who are either dead 
Or locked up in a [bad word] prison cell 
Those nights I just know I'm in [bad word] 

My mind is set [bad word] a terrible crime 
I just wish I could sleep all the [bad word] time 
As I tend to [bad word] my life up when I'm awake 
And it feels like I'm on the edge to break 
I should probably beat someone until his heart stops 
And after that - I should fill my pockets with rocks 
Before diving down into the river deep 
But instead I just lay down on the ground and sleep