I'll have you know 
I'll have you know 

That if I had one 
I'd play this on piano 
And if I had one of those 
I'd sit it on my knee and count to 1, 2, 3 

And if I had one of those other things 
You know I'd put it in my mouth 

And if I had some of those other things 
Oh, I'd put them into jars on the shelf 

But I'll have you know 
Oh, oh I'll have you know 

That if I had 10 or 20 
I'd have a choir of little children sing along 
I'd have a choir of little children sing along 

And I'll have you know 
I'll have you know 

That if she had one 
She'd put in in a paper bag 
If she had one 
She'd put it in a paper bag, oh 

This long gone Grandma, would put it in a paper bag 
Labeled pieces of string too small to use 
Pieces of string too small to use 

But her Autumn leaves are now the dirt 
And those Summer winds did blow her hair 
But now she's pieces of string to small to use