I got a bladder infection on Rigel VII
 bladder infection, oh no

I got genital warts from Mr. Warf
 I got genital warts, oh no

I need a rectal exam
 From a hologram
 I need some Corbomite
 To kill my parasite
 I need a hypo spray
 So I won’t hear them say
 “He’s dead Jim”

I got a kidney stone
 Help me Dr. Bones
 I got a kidney stone, oh no

I got a rock in my ****
 Help me Dr. Phlox
 I got a rock in my ****, oh no

I got an STD from Dr. Pulaski
 I got Syphilis from Tom Paris
 I got Pubic Lice from Odo twice
 I got Gonorrhea from Mr. Data
 I got a case of Herpes from Beverly 
 I’ve had [bad word] for a year
 Help me, Bashir

I got a ******* hemorrhoid as big as an android
 ******* hemorrhoid, oh no

I got constipation on a deep space station
 Got constipation, oh no

I got a case of Tourette’s, ****