- TOBY:
Ladies and gentlemen!
May I have your attention, perlease?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
Wot ought not to be there?

Well, ladies and gentlemen
From now on you can waken at ease
You need never again have a worry or care
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare

Gentlemen, you are about to see
Something wot rose from the dead--
On the top of my head!

T'was Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
That's wot did the trick, sir [bad word]  sir, [bad word] 
Was it quick, sir?
Did it in a tick, sir
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!

How about a bottle, mister?
Only costs a penny, guaranteed

Does Pirelli's
Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir
'Tis unique [bad word] a minute--
Stimulatin' i'n' it?
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a week!

- SWEENEY TODD: Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench?
- MRS. LOVETT: Are we standing near an open trench?
- BOTH: Pardon me, sir, what's that awful stench?

- SWEENEY TODD: Must be standing near an open trench!

- TOBY:
Buy Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
Anything wot's slick, sir
Soon sprouts curls

Try Pirelli's!
When they see how thick, sir
You can have your pick, sir
Of the girls!

Wanna buy a bottle, missus?

SWEENY TODD: What is this?
MRS. LOVETT: What is this?
SWEENY TODD: Smells like [bad word] MRS. LOVETT: Smells like-- phew!
SWEENY TODD: Looks like [bad word] MRS. LOVETT: Wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear
SWEENY TODD: This is [bad word] [bad word] with ink

- TOBY:
Let Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
Activate your roots, sir--

SWEENY TODD: Keep it off your boots, sir--
Eats right through

- TOBY: 
Yes, get Pirelli's!
Use a bottle of it!
Ladies seem to love it--

MRS. LOVETT: Flies do, too!