I resent my first kiss
an introduction to these things i love so well

so now we fall back into friendship

i was just lying on this bed
with my head in my hands
trying to make you understand
that every single word is a journey
from the pit of my stomach
to the top of my mouth

and the feet of the faithful
kicked dust in my breath
and clogged up my lungs
with the smell of the death
of the hope and the fear and the prayers
that kept me alive
from afar

i was trampled to the ground
and i fell on my face
and i remembered this place
from the dreams of those toothless days
when i clung to ignorance
like a [bad word] shroud
that covered my eyes

insight undesired
of where we both stood
and the good in me
drained out like blood
and sweat and waste and broken teeth
and dust i swallowed down

so if words are all i have
then with words we'll build a world
where we can burn our days
and set fire to the things that we love

when my nerves connect to you
making contact
i spend more time itching stumps
than flexing fingers
motorized, you are my support
the sound that helps me breathe you in
the machines we built alone
are still not working

("alien, like a mineral" she said, or at least she meant. soft, constantly whispering caresses erode and abrade. they smooth and briefly perfect but eventually they annihilate) [bad word] like some melodrama (dancing)
towards the cliff edge (laughing)
but i am not a character (playing)
i'm a ghost

the sickness
is with me still
makes my veins crawl
with the sting of [bad word] through
these poor holes
in my sick skin

the half life of kissing
your lips won't end
i cannot speak with your tongue in my mouth
cross tongued, tongue tied
i can't speak with your tongue in my mouth
with it pressed against
these poor aching, bleeding gums
i wish you could see me in the night
when the rivers from my eyes
flood their banks again and bring the rain
so we end this four year drought
i wish you could see me in the darkest hours when my face blooms anew

i can feel your pulse through my lips
and i would walk down the street naked again
i'd withstand the heat
i'd withstand the pain
if you kiss these eyes like butterflies
and make me want to live again

(this cold wind will blow away the warm sun. this autumn friendship formed of sorrow. we have a long way to go, this image imprinted on my mind. maybe we can all meet again junesometime)

if i had 1,000 words to tell you how i feel
i'd throw them all away because none of them are real
and i'd make the sound
that i have found
so deep inside myself

'it's you'