You're helpless, and hopeless
you wanna help out the homeless
but you've got problems
you're selfish, and worthless
and you have no [bad word] purpose
you're a cancer-causing, cancer-having slob

Whoa-oh (x3)

There are morals that conflict with orals
that conflict with anals that believe in angels
angels are hating on you
if good is the absence of evil
and evil is the absence of good
there is an axis of evil
rolling into this neighborhood

With the sound of gunshots
bang! pow!! pswchh!!!
whoa-oh (x4)

It was then that i found i am a vampire
i have fangs [bad word] 15 inches long
the sanguinary sweetness of stealing someone's blood
feels so good i [bad word] to sing this song
and at night when i retire to my coffin
to sleep for a hundred years or more
all you people that i know will have died long ago
and your children will have died ten years before

Whoaaaaa-oh. oh. OHHHHH.