Oh my god there's scenesters everywhere
With their hair gel and their vintage t-shirts
Why didn't The [bad word] to phoenix?
And why didn't [bad word] to phoenix?

Because the Modified is too small
And the Marquee is too big
And [bad word] is rightfully dead
And the hipsters with their [bad word] and aversion to applause

Oh my god hardcore kids everywhere
With their hair gel and their color green
How do they look so good while their convictions remain so strong?

Because their hair gel that they use isn't tested on animals
And their swallow tattoos are [bad word] lame
And cocaine is essentially vegan
And they don't give a [bad word] anyway
They're so vain, and yes, this song is about them

Oh my god post-hardcore kids everywhere
With their violence and pomposity
So [bad word] straightedge getting high off of self-righteousness
And praying to a sideways cross
So urban, so infantile, so angry, so young, and so poor
They don't need to use a [bad word] 'cuz they've got the wheelchair

Oh my god there's [bad word] everywhere
Pretentious [bad word] [bad word] everywhere
Oh my god there's [bad word] everywhere
Pretentious judgmental [bad word] everywhere