Leroy: 
At words poetic, I'm so pathetic 
That I always have found it best, 
Instead of getting 'em off my chest, 
To let 'em rest unexpressed, 
I hate parading my serenading 
As I'll probably miss a bar, 
But if this ditty is not so pretty,

Both: 
At least it'll tell you how great you are. 

Hiram: 
You're the top! Leroy, 
You're the Coliseum. 

Leroy: 
You're the top! Oh, baby, 
You're the Louvre Museum. 
You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss!

Hiram: 
You're a Bendel bonnet, 

Leroy: 
Shakespeare's sonnet, 
You're Mickey Mouse! (hahahahaha!)

Hiram: 
You're the Nile, 

Leroy: 
You're the Tower of Pisa, 

Hiram: 
You're the smile 

Leroy: 
On the Mona Lisa 
I'm a worthless check, 

Hiram: 
total wreck, 

Both: 
flop!
But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top! 

Hiram: 
You're the top, Leroy! 

Leroy: 
You're Mahatma Gandhi, Hiram! 

Hiram: 
You're the top! 

Leroy: 
You're Napoleon Brandy. 

Both: 
You're the purple light 
Of a summer night in Spain, 

Leroy: 
You're the National Gallery,

Hiram: 
You're Garbo's salary, 

Both: 
You're cellophane!

Hiram: 
You're sublime, 

Leroy: 
You're a turkey dinner!

Hiram: 
You're the time, 

Leroy: 
Of a Derby winner!
I'm a toy balloon that’s fated soon to pop! 

Both: 
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
You're the top! 

Both: 
You're the top! 

Leroy: 
You're an arrow collar 

Hiram: 
Leroy, You're the top! 
You're a Coolidge dollar, 

Both: 
You're the nimble tread 
Of the feet of Fred Astaire, 

Leroy: 
You're an O'Neill drama, 

Hiram: 
You're Whistler's mama! 

Leroy: 
You're camembert. 

Hiram: 
You're a rose, 
You're Inferno's Dante, 

Leroy: 
You're the nose,
On the great Durante. 

Hiram: 
I'm just in the way, 
As the French would say, 

Both: 
"de trop"!
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
You're the top! 

Leroy: 
You're a Waldorf salad. 

Hiram: 
You're just the top! 
You're a Berlin ballad. 

Leroy: 
You're the boats that glide 
On the sleepy Zuider Zee, 

Hiram: 
You're an old Dutch master, 

Leroy: 
You're Lady Astor, 

Hiram: 
Baby, you're broccoli! 

Leroy: 
You're romance, 
You're the steppes [bad word]  

Hiram: 
You're the pants, (purr), on a Roxy usher, 

Both: 
I'm a broken doll, a fol-de-rol, a blop,
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
You're the top!