My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might be
Most likely a [bad word] she just didn't excite me
Lefty? Yeah but that was alright
She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright
My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much [bad word] [bad word] like a donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunky
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word
So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the [bad word] I'm white which goes with everything but I [bad word] in any color
And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother
But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?
Like em' easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat gee
You know what I really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new [bad word] Any kind of new [bad word] It's hard to rhyme a word like [bad word] Calvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina

Women are like dog doo hear me through don't [bad word] It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up
I'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture
No age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheese
Preferably for me fat-free American singles only
I want my next chick anorexic the winner is the thinner
Won't have to take her skinny [bad word] out to a fancy dinner
Like Sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fat
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her [bad word] Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough
No I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up
Just independent like NOFX smart like Janeane Garafolo
She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know
Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System gee
You know what I really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new [bad word] Any kind of new [bad word] It's hard to rhyme a word like [bad word] Kevin Klein? Kind of South Carolina
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