Ensemble:
studio executive has no beliefs,
That's the way of a studio system.
We bow to every rear of all the studio chiefs
And you can bet your [bad word] we've kissed 'em.
Even the birds in the Hollywood hills
Know the secret to our success.
It's those magical words that pay the bills:
Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

Tom: 
Gentlemen! Take a memo.
Today the Trades are all aglow
With grosses for our Miss Monroe.
The things those vermin mustn't know
Is what she puts us through:
She makes directors wait all day,
One line per hour is all she'll say
And still, she thinks we're gonna pay,
She needs a talking to
Tomatoes like her must be put in their place,
If she don't shape up soon, she'll soon be walking.
'Cause the buck stops with me...

Ensemble: 
Yes you're right, we agree!

Tom:
Uh, don't say yes until I finish talking.
She's got them all tied up in knots
Makes each producer faint in plots,
She thinks she's queen and calls the shots
As she sits on a throne.
She needs to learn she's only skin,
The next girl's waiting for a spin.
I made a star of Rin Tin Tin
And paid him with a bone.
Tomatoes like her,
Well, they're easy to find,
We throw them out as soon as they start squawking.
So, get me some younger dish...

Ensemble: 
We concur, as you wish!

Tom:
Hey! Don't say yes until I finish talking.
And while you got me on a roll,
Let's find a role for Nat King Cole.
Tell Lankowitz his script is trite...
little lower, to the right.
I think that Brando is mis-cast,
That television just won't last,
That I'm the king of Hollywood...

Ensemble: 
All hail the king!

Tom:
Oh, that feels good!
Which brings me back to that dumb blonde,
To her demands, I now respond.
Some buy her act, but I'm not conned,
You better fall in line.
You're too bazooms and nuts to boot,
I'll keep you in a bathing suit.
When you stop bringing in the loot,
Well, go back to the vine.
Tomatoes like you,
They all whither and die,
My powers, though, will never be diminished.
So don't bring me to my boiling point,
You're just a broad, I own the joint,
I'm in control, you're just a face,
So allow me to cut to the chase,
I'll make another movie star,
Can someone light my [bad word] cigar?
And then say "yes",
'Cause yes, men,
I'm finished.

Ensemble:
YES!