One moonlight night in the bayou a silhouette
 The air was sweet and the fog was vi-o-let
 The gators were all drinking tea, in a dreamy pantsless glee
 I saw a suspendered man, a banjo holstered in his hands.
 He had biggest red suspenders I ever did see, golly gee that's what I've seen
 He flicked the brim of his hat, and this is what he said to me.

"Mister robut ah am The Suspender Man
 And dis banjo 'as shown me dah promised land.
 Now ah play a song but in return, yoo put dat shiny coin right 'ere in mah urn.
 And ah play yoo sumfin fine. Mah music gonna blow yo mind!"

So I flicked my coin into his pot, I gotta admit it twasn't a lot
 Two cents and then his fingers wriggled, 
 he plucked those strings and belched a giggle.
 He tapped his foot, howled like a hound
 Igniting up the unholy sound.

 And I ain't never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never,
 never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never,
 never, never, never, never, never, heard anything so great.

 Call the vendors.
 Big Suspenders.
 That's what everybody wants to wear.
 They stretch to Nantucket.
 Put them in a bucket
 And send them to the gnome trapped down the well
 (Tug 'em with thumbs is ideal)
 (While rollin' back on your heels)
 (Yeah)

He played the two cent show

 And just like that he stopped playing
 My jaw dropped to the floor.
 He cracked his neck and smiled at me,
 And said, 

"Buddy, y'gotta pay for more!"

But by then a crowd had swarmed the swamp, 
 tossin' coin in after coin. 
 So he cleared his throat, and his fingers writhed, 
 and everyone shouted for Suspender Guy.

Call the vendors
 Big Suspenders
 That's what grandma wants for her birthday
 They're bright red and awesome
 Even worn by opossums
 Nobody wants their pants to fall down
 (Ma and Pappy want 'em too)
 (Even the ghost of your Uncle Stu)
 (Yeah)

 He played the two cent show

Fracture dat banjo!

 All the children sing and dance
 Those banjo sounds instill a trance
 By 4 AM the press what hot
 Suspender Man on the front page spot
 Suspenders were in and spats were out
 The girls all suffered from fainting bouts
 The banjos flew off the shelves
 Sprouting wings with dreams 
 of being played by Suspender Man.

 But in the middle of [bad word]  the fog turned a crimson red
 The Suspender Man disappeared, 
 everyone was heels over head
 But we found his suspenders and that old banjo 
 sittin' right there on his log

 And though he's gone, 
 that's what he gets 
 for selling his soul to the bog

 Big Suspenders
 Put them in a blender
 Three bat teeth and a blackened gypsy eye
 Bring it to a boil
 Release your mortal coil
 Out pops a belt to wear for you and me-
 Nobody wants their pants to fall down-
 You could wear a dress and then...you'd have no need
 (The alligators had it right)
 (Wearing pants it sure does bite)
 (Yeah)

He played the two cent show