May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
and started whoopin her [bad word] worse than before
they first were divorce, throwin her over furniture (Ahh!)
It's the return of the... Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding, 
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?
And Dr. Dre said... nothing you idiots! 
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
Feminist women love Eminem (*vocal turntable: 
chigga chigga chigga*) Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what
Flippin the you-know-who, Yeah, but he's so cute though!
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?
We ain't nothing but mammals.. Well, some of us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes (*SLURP*)
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
(*EWWW!*) But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the [bad word] and it goes

 [bad word]  Eminem (repeat 2X)

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

(Eminem)
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records;
well I do, so [bad word] him and [bad word] you too!
You think I give a [bad word] about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?
 [bad word]  Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
and hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
You little [bad word]  put me on blast on MTV
Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!
I should download her audio on MP3 
and show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD (*AHHH!*)
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
so I have been sent here to destroy you (*bzzzt*)
And there's a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don't give a [bad word] like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

 [bad word] 

(Eminem)
I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you 
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it 
and whether you like to admit it (*ERR*) I just [bad word] it
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursin home flirting
Pinchin nurses asses when I'm jackin off with Jergens
And I'm jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Sl