Hey, Mom, you're the bomb 
for giving us a home 
and not grounding me 
for nudes you found on my phone 
I'm so glad Dad impregnated you 
and nine months later 
I burst out of your womb

I remember when I was eight 
my life was going great 
my sister loved Snapple 
there was no debate 
I thought it would be funny 
to play a sweet prank 
take the plastic off the cap

And put it in her drink (ha ha) 
and when she sipped it 
I saw her start to choke 
I couldn't forsee 
it'd get caught in her throat

Her birthday [bad word] 
because of my stupid mistake 
She never drank Snapple again 
and I got all her cake 
Thanks, Mom, for stepping up 
and saving the day (you rock)

I didn't want you 
to have to find out this way (love you) 
Hey, Mom, I did something 
that wasn't that cool 
so now I gotta follow that 
Mother's [bad word] 
Hey, Mom, you're the bomb 
for giving us a home 
and not grounding me 
for nudes you found on my phone 
I'm so glad Dad impregnated you 
and nine months later 
I burst out of your womb

And when I was fifteen 
I messed up again 
trying to impress some girls 
with my friends 
See, I understand the ladies 
and here was the scoop: 
hot girls can't resist the sight

Of burning [bad word] (ha ha) 
So I found a dog 
lured him up the steps 
tried to feed him X-Lax 
but he wouldn't ingest 
but I didn't stress out 
I just dealt with the glitches

I knew what I had to do 
to impress these b*tches (*whistle*) 
but the fire kept spreading 
it wouldn't stay put 
so my mama had to step the [bad word] 
out with her foot 
Hey, Mom, I did something

That wasn't that cool 
so now I gotta follow that 
Mother's [bad word] 
Hey, Mom, you're the bomb 
for giving us a home 
and not grounding me 
for nudes you found on my phone 
I'm so glad Dad impregnated you 
and nine months later 
I burst out of your womb

Hey, Mom! (do doo doo do doo doo do doo) 
You're the bomb! (do doo doo do doo doo do doo) 
Hey, Mom! (do doo doo do doo doo do doo) 
You're the bomb! (do doo doo do doo doo do doo)

Sorry we hid so many things 
from you (years ago) 
but here's a couple other things 
you probably (should know) 
I watched [bad word] on [bad word] 
and I told you (I never did) 
put a sandwich in the VCR

When I was (a little kid) 
I punched a hole in the wall 
and I hid it with a (poster) 
tried to cook pizza in the 
mother flipping toaster 
threw a big [bad word] party 
every time (you were away)

Lied to a hot girl 
and told her (I was [bad word]  
and my fish might have died 
because I overfed 
and I might have done some stuff 
with a girl 
In your bed, yeah