There is no masterplan, I'm so confused and paralyzed

Here where the [bad word] I am, just dark walls around me as high as mountains
my hands on my chest, they feel like a thorn deep inside me

This pain brings me down to my knees
what's behind those [bad word]  walls
I hate the future
looking for answers

My decisions are setting the track switch through the jungle of this life
but what to do if there is more than just one right way

I never wanted that you leave me
but I saw it in your eyes, the [bad word] was already dead
All the time I tried to cope, I said to myself, look forward to a new chapter

This is my confession
I'm still in love with you
This is my confession
Could I find the way back to you
I can feel there is still hope

Walls so high I can't see the sun anymore - this is a [bad word] dead end