On a steamer bound for Baltimore
I said that’s no fun, I've been there before,
So I jumped ship near Singapore
With a cook from Mexico.

Got me a bowl of shark-fin soup,
Ducked into a bar for a couple a scoops.
Played some texas-stud with a circus troop
and they cleaned me out of dough...
cleaned me out of dough.

Don’t let the [bad word] get in the way of a good story
No harm, no foul, no crime.
Don’t let the [bad word] get in the way of a good story
It’ll get ‘em every time.

At dawn they all went back to bed,
I went to Borneo instead,
Had a hair-of-the dog for my [bad word] head,
With the sultan of [bad word] 
Had a small bit of a seizure
On the way to Micronesia
Got a bad case of amnesia
I forgot to say goodbye...
forgot to say goodbye

Don’t let the [bad word] get in the way of a good story
No harm, no foul, no crime.
Don’t let the [bad word] get in the way of a good story
It’ll get ‘em every time.

Stopped in Tajikistan on the way to Iran,
Took a break in Jamaica to work on my tan,
Swam from Cayo Fragoso to Carriacou

I climbed Machu Pichu in darkest [bad word] Had a pint with the pope and played pool with the queen
She’s good with a stick if you know what I mean

I once had a job riding bulls in Montana
I taught Jimi Hendrix the star-spangled banner,
I’ve been to Morocco, Malawi, Macau
I know how to fly, but I won’t tell you how...
been to Morocco, Malawi, Macau
I know how to fly, but I won’t tell you how

Don’t let the [bad word] get in the way of a good story
No harm, no foul, no crime.
Don’t let the [bad word] get in the way of a good story
It’ll get ‘em every time.

Bought an ice cold Coca-cola
From a Congolese High-Rollah
Got deported from Angola
To a castle on the Rhine.

Ask anyone that knew me,
The Emir of Bahrain sued me,
I was in a Blockbuster Movie
And I didn’t make a dime.

Don’t let the [bad word] get in the way of a good story
No harm, no foul, no crime.
Don’t let the [bad word] get in the way of a good story
It’ll get ‘em every time.