I woke up thinking: God is real, but against us. Pray for what you don't want. Reverse theology. I'll pray for freedom, because no matter how much I say I want it, I'm still getting led around by a cigarette or anger or fear. Take your pick, I don't give a [bad word]  And I wish it weren't [bad word]  but to get free we have to start with what's [bad word] I think. And if I have to tell you that what's real is terrible, maybe you're in the wrong place. If I have to tell you that what's [bad word] is terrible, maybe you're in the wrong place. Because I've done horrible things to wonderful people. I've let horrible people stay living. I've looked my family in the eye and told them: "Leave me to die, or I'll make you sorry you didn't." I've stolen from people who didn't deserve. I've not helped people who did. I've turned away when I knew I made a mistake instead of dealing with it. I've wasted good chances I've had in this life that other people won't even get. I put off making things right with Andy, and now he's dead. But if we can stay one inch this side of dying, the most terrible things we can imagine can happen, and our breath will carry us forward when we don't have the strength to carry ourselves. And we'll get another chance at not spreading misery, at least for today. If I have to tell you that we are beautiful, maybe you're in the right place. If I ever forget that we are beautiful, I hope you're here to remind me. If I have to tell you that we are beautiful, I hope you'll stick around until you can see it.