IF I WAS MICHAEL JACKSON YOU WOULD DANCE WITH ME -- HOOOO

MY DADDY DRIVES [bad word] AND MAMA'S BEAUTICIAN
FREE HAIRCUT WITH BOX OF CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
CARPOOL TO GRADE SCHOOL WHILE EATIN' POP TART
WHILE YOU WERE GETTING DRIVEN IN LINCOLN TOWN CAR
ONE TEACHER 30 STUDENTS, TAKIN' IT IN
WHILE 30 TEACHERS TAUGHT YOU 30 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES
I'HAVE TO WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS TO GET SKATEBOARD
WHILE "MY LITTLE PONY" MEANT YOU KEPT IT IN STABLE
ONE PAIR, OF SHOES YEAR
YOU WOULD NEVER WEAR THE SAME PAIR TWICE
IF YOU'RE LOOKIN' FOR SOUL
THAT'S WHAT YOU'GET, AND I'GIVE WHAT I GOT
 [bad word] 
IF I WAS MICHAEL JACKSON YOU WOULD DANCE WITH ME
IF I WAS TOM [bad word] YOU WOULD TRY TO MARRY ME
IF I WAS JUSTIN BIEBER YOU WOULD ROCK MY CRADLE
IF I WAS GOD YOU'TO BE MY ANGEL
I COULD BE ALL THAT YOU WANT AND MORE
IF I WAS DAVID BECKHAM YOU WOULD ALWAYS LET ME SCORE
BUT I'M NOT AND I'M NEVER GONNA BE
SO SHE DON'T REALLY WANNA, SHE DON'T WANNA BE WITH ME

MY MOTHER KEEPS CABINET OF PORCELAIN JARS
WHILE YOUR FATHER KEEPS AN ARMOIRE OF CUBAN CIGARS
6 MONTH LEASE ON STATION WAGON
WHILE YOUR POPS PAID CASH FOR ROLLS ROYCE PHANTOM
INTERIOR, ITALIAN, A-DECKED OUT
IKEA, NO INTEREST, AND SELF CHECK OUT
YOUR UNCLE MADE MILLIONS FLEEING FROM THE STOCK MARKET
MY UNCLE MAKES LIVING SELLING TRINKETS AT THE FLEA MARKET
ROLEX, PLATINUM DIAMONDS
MY FOSSIL IS LITERALLY FOSSILIZED
OH, THE RICH, I GOT, MY FATHER
GAVE WHAT HE HAD, AND I GOT WHAT I GOT

SHE DON'T WANT, SHE DON'T WANNA BE WITH ME

BUT I'M NOT GONNA BE ON THE COVER OF ROLLING STONE, OH NO
WELL I'M NOT GONNA BUY YOU YACHT
LEPRECHAUN KEEP SEARCHING FOR YOUR POT OF GOLD

SHE WOULD WANT TO BE WITH ME
IF I WAS, DONALD [bad word] SHE'LOVE ME FOR ALL MY MONEY