I thought of the poem with the line about the smoke being a huge-yellow cat curling around the house. clownish figure, measuring out his life in coffee-spoons. He said the idea of bondage made him laugh ; conjured up the image of some middle-aged couple thinking they were being a bit risque in trying to spice up their lagging -lives with an array of contrived and cliched devices. However with his mothers apron-strings to hand, I can't imaging him saying no. You say you don't feel fully fledged, and then crawl into your mothers womb (him ?). You're too scared to agree or disagree or even think about what you want. You say you're scared of feeling trapped, and then lock yourself in your mother's house.
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It started in tangled duvet covered in pictures of chubby infants, mixed drinks and the sticky-sweet taste of vomit clinging to my teeth - scene two was a damp smelly room : Marilyn, manga and bondage covered the cracks in the paintwork ; day upon day cocooned in a sheet sneared with sweat and make-up. Three month later [bad word] through daffodils and [bad word] he talked facetiously about having gone full circle. He dragged symbolism out of football matches and nausea. We looked [bad word] and battered. I felt him force the roles around, making me nurse him as though the emotional betrayal(?) was some-thing I'd done to him. He caught the four-sixteen back home, leaving me standing on the platform with his sweat on my skin and [bad word] in my hair. " Please keep in touch !… ". I couldn't see the point.