Everything I do, I do with William Shatner
 Loosing all my hair while my belly's growing fat-ner
 And when I drink too much
 He holds my hair in his hands
 And while I'm blowing chunks
 He treats me like the captain 

Oh, when we get together we boldly go
 Talk about our favorite episodes
 I don't want to go to work
 Just want to hang with Captain Kirk
 And if I had my way I'd make it so

Everything I do, I do with William Shatner
 We drink a couple of brews
 Go to the Laundromat-ner
 When our clothes are dry
 We fold them up together
 'Cause everything I do, I do with William Shatner
 [bad word] 
Hey, spend more time with him than George Takei
 Say full speed ahead and we're on our way
 He is so mysterious
 His middle name's Tiberius
 And he'll make me his cabin boy someday

Hey Bill – Let's go get a tan
 Hey Bill – And a green woman
 Hey Bill – We'll kill some Romulans
 Hey Bill – I'm your number one fan

'Cause everything I do, I do with William Shatner
 We go to the rodeo and put on our cowboy hat-ners
 When we paint the town
 We buy each other dinner
 We're fully functional
 Just like Brent Spiner 

Everything I do, I do with William Shatner
 And don't you wish that you could do it too?