When I woke up this morning I was feelin' fine
But this cat starts banging man what a swine
So I called reception but to no avail
That's why I'm telling you this sorry tale

It went bang, I said, "Shut up"
It went bang, I said, "Rap up"

Well, I'm aware that the guy must do his work
But the pile driver man drove me berserk

He said, "Captain", I said, "Wot?"
He said, "Captain", I said, "Wot?"
He said, "Captain", I said, "Wot?"
He said, "Captain", I said, "Wot do you want?"

Once a lifetime, twice a day
If you don't work you get no pay
I been to the east, I been to the west
But the girls I like best are the ones undressed

Well, hello Adam, where you been?
I said, "A'stand aside 'cause I'm feelin' mean"
I've had a gutful of you and I'm feelin' bad
'Cause you're an ugly old pirate and ain't I glad

He said, "Captain", I said, "Wot?"
He said, "Captain", I said, "Wot?"