Anything he can do, I can do dumber
I can do anything dumber than him
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
Quit talking [bad word] 
And prove you're dumb, man

To get around town
I can ace this race
I roll down the street
With shopping carts as skates
I always take first dates
To da club with my mum
 [bad word] through airports
Screaming about my lip balm

You think that's dumb?
That ain't s**t, son
I misplaced my hammer
So I used a nail gun
Blow dry my hair
While I take a nap in the bath
I stuck my tongue to a frozen pole
And it hecka sucked [bad word] 

Anything you can do, I can do dumber
I can do anything dumber than you
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
Quit talking [bad word] 
And prove you're dumb, man

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, du-dumb, dumb, du-dumb

Dumb! Forgot to put lemons
In my lemon meringue pie
Dumb! Hold my breath through a tunnel
And almost died
Dumb! Siphoned gas out of a septic tank
Dumb! Tagged myself a selfie
When I tried to rob a bank
Dumb! Lit fireworks in my room
To hear them go pop
Dumb! Built a fully functional humanoid robot
Er, dude... That's not dumb at all. That's...actually kind of brilliant.
Oh, er...
Peed into a bottle and gave it to a cop

Hahahaha!
Anything you can do, I can do dumber
I can do anything dumber than you
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
Quit talking [bad word] 
And prove you're dumb, man

I can eat my phone
To take a pic of my heart
I can scratch my own back
'Cause I cut off my arm
Gave a scary rider a free prostate exam
To impress a hitchhiker
I lit my [bad word] inside a van
What?