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Chilaxin’ out with Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen
 They want to check this new joint, Club Convulsion
 We put our [bad word] in motion
 All my stupid friends rolled up and the D.J. looked like Superman, if he were homeless
 And standing by the bar, douchebag was hitting on a tranny
 Oh wait that’s Hillary Clinton there with [bad word] Cheney, who was killin’ a kitten

I saw Shaq, Jack Black and J-Lo
 I even saw that one guy from that one show
 I saw alcoholic Jews and fat [bad word] 
 And Oprah was there like: “I’m Oprah, F-cker!”

And everything was good until the second
 Homeless Superman put on this record
 I stood there with my friends and the Olsen Twins
 As he spins everybody had convulsions.

Dance, dance, dance like you’re having a seizure.
 Move, move, move like you’re having a fit
 Shake, shake, shake. This is causing a spasm

Epileptic Techno

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Now I ain’t trying to disrespect epileptics
 But the music he played made the place go hectic
 The speakers on the deck became disconnected
 All the alcoholic Jews were suddenly naked
 I felt my muscles expand and contract
 I passed out on the dance floor laying on my back
 Reality started fading, cutting in and out
 I woke up when an Olsen Twin threw up in my mouth
 And we were hoping we could leave at our leisure
 But the whole f&ckin’ theater was havin’ a seizure
 Except Oprah, the music didn’t touch her
 Still standing hard, “I’m Oprah, f-cker!”
 I saw the D.J. loadin’ another disc
 With most of the party still foaming at the lips
 I grabbed my friends and headed for the exit
 When Homeless Superman started spinnin’ that next hit

Dance, dance, dance like you’re having a seizure
 Move, move, move like you’re having a fit
 Shake, shake, shake. This is causing a spasm

Epileptic Techno

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We woke up once again from a seizure
 I wiped Mary-Kate’s vomit from my T-Shirt
 We slid out the back like greased up butter
 We saw Oprah there, “I’m Oprah, f-cker!”
 We made it out alive, booyah!
 We all stood around like:
 “What are we going to do now?”
 We picked a new club. What’d we get?
 We somehow rolled up to Club Tourettes?
 The music there gave everyone a tick
 And every time it played the whole place would twitch,
 And shift and switch and b&tch and talk sh-t like:
 [bad word]  barf, barf, [bad word]  bark, [bad word] #33;
 Barf, p-ss, [bad word]  [bad word]  barf, barf, [bad word]  [bad word]  [bad word]  [bad word] #33;
 We ran away like a jet propulsion
 Man, I guess we’ll go back to Club Convulsion

Dance, dance, dance like you’re having a seizure.
 Epileptic Techno, Epileptic Techno
 Oooh no not having a seizure
 Epileptic Techno, Epileptic Techno
 Dance, dance, dance like you’re having a seizure
 Epileptic Techno, Epileptic Techno
 Oooh no not having a seizure
 Epileptic Techno, Epileptic Techno

“You little [bad word]  thought you all knew Oprah!”
 Don’t make [bad word] over there and f-ck you!