The Haunted Phonograph

I curse the day I bought that phonograph for you, my dear
For there are times I swear that it's alive
I chase at night the whispering from the music room so clear
But I'm mocked with silent scorn when I arrive
I try to play [bad word] but the needle skips the groove
While calypso and Ravel [bad word] back
And there beside that damned machine, you lie and never move
I'm cuckolded by metal and shellac
 [bad word] to me in dreams and it declares "I'm Joan of Arc—
You can burn me, but I've power from above!"
But I fear it's not a dream, and you'll be swallowed in its darkness
It will one day speak your words for you, my love

I tried to throw it out but back again the trashmen came
They were ashen white like they'd seen Father Death
And they told me that it cried aloud and spoke to them by name
So they returned it, ran, and prayed under their breath
And every night I long to coax you from that phonograph
But it's drained the appetites I once fulfilled
Its gaping mouth, obscene and wide, turns every tune to laughter
And its arm, it [bad word] to have me killed
 [bad word] to me in dreams and it declares "I'm Joan of Arc—
You can burn me, but I've power from above!"
But I fear it's not a dream, and you'll be swallowed in its darkness
It will one day speak your words for you, my love

And now that you've gone deaf to every word that I could say
I'm reaching out the only way you'll hear
I beg into a microphone for you to turn my way
And with my voice on wax, my body disappears!
So play me on your phonograph and swear that I'll be yours
Though your heart and voice can nevermore be one/won
Just drag that needle on me as I spin my loving course
Dreaming only of your kiss
All the charms of yours I miss
As I pop and as I hiss
Spiraling into the abyss
Oh my God, [bad word] to this
We've been undone!

Put another record on
Play that music all night long
And by the break of dawn
We'll be in love