I’m not just some dilettante 
If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got names to drop
You think my lyrics don’t make sense?
Well, maybe you’re a little dense

Pretentious? Moi? Don’t be absurd
Sure, I use some twenty dollar words
But brother, I’m the salt of the Earth
And while my band might be subpar
And I’m stuck here tending bar
I hold my own with all the punk rock stars

My politics are so correct
I march along in perfect step
And all my pals think like I do
That’s how I know I’ve got a clue

Now let me make this crystal clear
You point and laugh at all that I hold dear
But I’ve got the respect of all my peers
And they’re allowed to take the [bad word] 
But if you cross me then I’ll shake my fist
And tell the internet about it

I’m a big man

It’s time for me to show my [bad word] 
And pass [bad word] on as fact
Now don’t you dare call me a clown
I’ll have my lawyer shut your website down

I went on tour with NOFX
I didn’t really have a job with them
But I’ll have you know they’re personal friends
I got to ride Fat Mike’s giraffe
And we all sat around and laughed
At everyone who’s sick of my act

Little big man
I’m a big man
Little big man