I am your neighbor. I seem most respectable, 
 But underneath I'm an iniquitous toad. 
 So many dreadful mishaps have befallen you --- 
 down at the end of your road. 
 And I live down the end of your road. 

 I'm working on ways to remove you from paradise --- 
 from your striped lawn and your new swimming pool. 
 I place broken bottles in your geraniums --- 
 sabotage your gardening tools. 
 And I live down the end of your road. 

 By day I am a real estate gentleman. 
 I deal in fine properties --- cheap at the price. 
 After dark, I plan my most devious practices 
 which you might think are not very nice. 

 Designing a system to reverse your plumbing --- 
 welling up, as you sit on your private throne. 
 [bad word] up all kinds of vile and despicable nasties 
 you would rather not have in your home. 
 And I live down the end of your road. 

 Dispensed loathsome creatures in your drawing room, 
 Sent doggy poo-poos in your morning mail. 
 Rat's heads and lark's wings should set your tums turning 
 and your houses will soon be for sale. 
 And I live down the end of your road. 

 I live down the end of your road.