[Gaston:] Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with
 the wrong man! No one says "no" to Gaston!
[LeFou:] Heh heh. Darn right.
[Gaston:] Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly Humiliated! Why, it's
 more than I can bear.
[LeFou:] More beer?
[Gaston:] What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.
[LeFou:] Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself
 together.

 Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
 Looking so down in the dumps
 Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
 Even when taking your lumps
 There's no man in town as admired as you
 You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
 Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
 And it's not very hard to see why

 No one's slick as Gaston
 No one's quick as Gaston
 No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
 For there's no man in town half as manly
 Perfect, a pure paragon
 You can ask any Tom, [bad word] or Stanley
 And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

 [bad word] ] No one's been like Gaston
 king pin like Gaston
[LeFou:] No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
[Gaston:] As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
 [bad word] ] My what a guy, that Gaston

 Give five "hurrahs!"
 Give twelve "hip-hips!"
[LeFou:] Gaston is the best
 And the rest is all drips

 [bad word] ] No one fights like Gaston
 Douses lights like Gaston
[Cronie:] In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston
[Bimbettes:] For there's no one as burly and brawny
[Gaston:] As you see I've got biceps to spare
[LeFou:] Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
[Gaston] (That's right!)
 And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

[Cronies:] No one hits like Gaston
[Townsman:] Matches wits like Gaston
[LeFou:] In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
[Gaston:] I'm espcially good at expectorating
 (Ptooey!)
 [bad word] ] Ten points for Gaston!

[Gaston:] When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
 Ev'ry morning to help me get large
 And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
 So I'm roughly the size of a barge

 [bad word] ] No one shoots like Gaston
 Makes those beauts like Gaston
[LeFou:] Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
[Gaston:] I use antlers in all of my decorating
 [bad word] ] Say it again
 Who's a man among men?
 And then say it once more
 Who's the hero next door?
 Who's a super success?
 Don't you know? Can't you guess?
 Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
 There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down
[LeFou:] And his name's G-A-S- T -
 G-A-S-T - -
 G-A-S-T-O - oh!
 [bad word] ] Gaston