[bad word] all ye, desperados, here tonight in this dark place
I hope you like the music. Ah, sure I see that's the case
Forgive this [bad word]  Well, I know you can't refuse
I've learned the scale of ABC and I've started on the flute
I listened to tapes of jigs and reels for 30 years or more
I danced a bit around the house and I battered on the floor
But when it came to music I was particulary mute
And that's another reason why I've started on the flute
When I tried the bags-and-bellows once, I've thought they might suit me-e
To sit there like a peacock with a chanter on my kne-e
But all I got were squeaks and groans, which wasn't very cool
And that's another reason there was nothing for it, but the flute
I went out and bought.. a fiddle
And I also bought a bow
"She's the queen of all the [bad word] , the experts say, you know. 
But, when I started scrapping, throughout the door they'd scoot
And so to my misfortune then I've started on the flute
Well, the flute it is a timber yoke with six holes in a row
And another hole that's bigger still and that's the one you blo-ow
You hold the thing in your two hands and you give it a good old toot
'Tis a simple operation when you're starting on the flute
Well.. some lads play it gentle and there's other lads play it loud
Some concentrate on embouchure while others merely pout
But I've a simple technique that I haven't told a soul
I mime to the latest flute album and pretend it is my own