(moaning)

Now I am a man of the simplest of pleasures
I'll read an erotic pamphlet of my leasure
But never with anything else on my mind
Then making the most of the passing of time
I'm a romantic at heart as you know
But I'm also starting to grow
So I'll delve slightly deeper inside
Until I find something that turns my insides
The tide has turned, it seems
When all of my dreams on amorous themes
And holding hands have been dashed
Long before the bishop's been mashed.
The cash to be made from depravity,
And filling bodily cavities in darkened lavatories
Have replaced the seductive arts
So a [bad word] I'm going to start:
Why can't there be more kissing in [bad word] Something here is rather missing or wrong
Why can't there be more kissing in [bad word] Where has all the romance gone?
(moaning)
[spoken: stop that]
Now I like to think my doctrine is methodical
I've flipped through pages of anatomical periodicals
I can see nothing too deep on
"Good lord, that thing is the size of a tree [bad word] 
My theory is simple enough
little more kissing
little less muff
Is the start of a gentleman's
Night timely dreams
And not the extremes
That are brought on these screams
And these harlots and charlatans
And g-strings and tan lines
And from where this gentle-
Man rhymes
There's no sense of whimsy
Their plots are so flimsy
And ten seconds in it's just wall to wall mimsy
It seems to me something must be done
I don't want to see one single more [bad word] Of some nutter chuffing in some filly's face:
I raise a petition to clean up the place!
Why can't there be more kissing in [bad word] All I can see is [bad word] and scorn
Why can't there be more kissing in [bad word] Where has all the romance gone?
(moaning)
[Kissing in [bad word]  x6
(more moaning)
{To shave and a haircut}That's why I like kissing...in [bad word]