Peasant:
Well, another party for the fancy folk that get to bathe once a month.
Oh, that reminds me.
Did you hear about the knight that got off his high horse?

Galavant:
No.

Peasant:
Me, neither.
[Laughter]
Knights suck.

Galavant:
They’re not all that bad, are they?

Peasants:
Sure, they are!
Worse, even!

Your average knight in armor,
he’s utterly the pits
His ego’s so humongous
that his helmet barely fits

He wears two tons of padding
and thinks he’s quite the man
He’s nothing but a jackass in a fancy metal can

jackass in a can
There’s nothing worser than
Some high-and-mighty jackass in a can

Peasant:
My master hasn’t had a sip of his grog without my spit in it in years.
I’ve got him craving it now.
I gave it to him once without, and he said it didn’t taste right.

So what about your knight?
As bad as ours?

Galavant:
Oh, uh, yeah, sure.
There’s all that fame and glory?

Peasant:
The smell, though, not so great.

Galavant:
And then, those big, long lances.

Peasant:
Yeah, to [bad word] 

Galavant:
The glamour and swagger?

Peasant:
Yeah, I’m really not a fan.

Galavant:
He’s quite a-

Peasant:
Major dillweed

Galavant:
In a fancy metal can

Everyone:
dillweed in a can
There’s nothing lamer than

Galavant:
condescending dillweed in a can

Peasants:
And who does all the planning?
Yeah.

Peasant:
Who does all the work?

Galavant: [bad word] 

Peasants:
Who gets no vacation?
Not one pay raise, not one perk

Galavant:
Good point.

Peasant:
Whose lousy [bad word] without a dental plan?

Galavant:
Your average, humble squire?

Everyone:
Not the meathead in the can!
That jerkface in a can
There’s nothing sadder than

Galavant:
Some over-muscled, chauvinistic, self-indulgent,
egotistic, stingy, prissy, narcissistic

Everyone:
Jackass in a can

Galavant:
Oh, my God.
That’s me.