[Intro]
May I have your attention please
May I have your attention please
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up
We're gonna have a problem here

[Verse 1]
Y'all act like you never seen a White person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her [bad word] worse than before
They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture
It's the return of the... "ah wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said...nothin' you idiots
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha)
Feminist women love Eminem
"Chigga chigga chigga Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what
Flipping the you-know-who," "yeah, but he's so cute though"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit 4th grade
They've got the Discovery Channel, don't they
We ain't nothing but mammals -- well, some of us, cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the [bad word] and it goes

[Hook x2]
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up

[Verse 2]
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
Well, I do; so [bad word] him and [bad word] you too
You think I give a [bad word] about a Grammy
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird
Why, so you guys could just lie to get me here
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears
 [bad word]  Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
Little [bad word] put me on blast on MTV
"Yeah he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee"
I should download an audio on MP3
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
So I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me; who just don't give a [bad word] like me
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me

[Hook x2]

[Verse 3]
I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoat it at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it, I just [bad word] it
Better than 90% of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm going, when I'm 30
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
Pinching nurse's asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens
And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking
He could be working at Burger King, spi