I’m sorry for that time I had an idea
I’m sorry for that time I told a joke
I didn’t mean to step all over your ego
It’s my fault that my heart broke
I’m glad I got to meet your brand new girlfriend
All I have to say is wow
I can’t believe you met a match so perfect
You must feel like a big man now

Cause your new girlfriend’s like a pair of beige curtains
Not good, not bad, just there
I couldn’t pick her out of a lineup
Cause she’s as special as air
Your new girlfriend is linoleum tile
Not hot, not not, just grey
Your own silent, malleable furniture
I wish I was that way

I’m sorry for that time I had an opinion
I’m sorry for that time I had a goal
I don’t want to detract from your powerful presence
By admitting that I have a soul
It must be nice to feel so smart and superior
It must be good to know that she won’t leave
And she won’t notice when you [bad word] other people
At least that’s what she'll let you believe

Cause your new girlfriend’s like a pair of beige curtains
Not good, not bad, just there
I couldn’t pick her out of a lineup
Cause she’s as special as air
Your new girlfriend is linoleum tile
Not hot, not not, just grey
Your own giggly, undemanding seat filler
I wish I was that way

If I was like her maybe I would have
The ultimate prize that is you
Just dampen my essence and learn to want nothing
Then all my dreams [bad word] [bad word] Cause who needs me when I have you

Your new girlfriend is a pair of beige curtains
Not good, not bad, just there
I couldn’t pick her out of a lineup
Cause she’s as special as air
Your new girlfriend is linoleum tile
Not hot, not not, just grey
Your own pointless, dumpy little blowup doll
I wish I was that way, I wish I was that way