Well, Ali Baba had them forty thieves
Scheherazade had a thousand tales
But, mister you're in luck 'cause up your sleeves
You got a brand of magic never fails
You got some power in your corner now
Some heavy ammunition in your camp
You got some punch, pizazz, yahoo and how
See, all you gotta do [bad word] that lamp
And I'll say, Mister Aladdin, sir
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order, jot it down,
You ain't never had a friend like me, no no no

Life is your restaurant and I'm you maitre d'
C'mon whisper what it is you want
You ain't never had a friend like me
Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service
You're the boss, the king, the shah
Say what you wish, it's yours [bad word] dish, how 'bout a little more baklava?
Have some of column "A"
Try all of column "B"
I'm in the mood to help you, dude
You ain't never had a friend like me

Wa-ah-ah, oh my
Wa-ah-ah, No no
Wah-ah-ah, na na na

Can your friends do this?
Can your friends do that
Can your friends pull this out of their little hat?
Can your friends go poof!
(spoken) Well, looky here
Can your friends go abracadabra
Let 'er rip and then make the sucker disappear?

So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers
You got me bonafide certified
you got a genie for your chargé d'affaires
I got a powerful urge to help you out
So whatcha wish I really want to know
You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt
Well, all you gotta do [bad word] like so, and oh
Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three
I'm on the job, you big nabob

You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend like me
Wa-ah-ah, wa-ah-ah
You ain't never had a friend like me. Ha!