As I was going to Derby, 'twas on a market day,
I met the finest ram, sirs, that ever was fed upon hay.

That's a lie, that's a lie
That's a lie, a lie, a lie!

This ram and I got [bad word]  sir, as [bad word] as [bad word] could be.
And when we sobered up, sir, we were far away out on the sea.

That's a lie, that's a lie
That's a lie, a lie, a lie!

This wonderful old ram, sir, was playful as a kid; He swallowed the captain's spyglass along with the bo'sun's fid.

That's a lie, that's a lie
That's a lie, a lie, a lie!

One morning on the [bad word]  sir, afore eight bells was [bad word] 
He climbed up to the sky's I yard an' sat down on the [bad word] 

That's a lie, that's a lie
That's a lie, a lie, a lie!

This wonnerful ol' ram, sir, he tried a silly trick, He tried to jump a five-barred fence an landed in a rick.

That's a lie, that's a lie
That's a lie, a lie, a lie!

This wonnerful ol'ram, sir, it grew two horns of brass, One grew out o' his shoulder blade, t'other turned into a mast .

That's a lie, that's a lie
That's a lie, a lie, a lie!

An' when this ram was killed, sir, the butcher was covered in blood,
Five and twenty butcher boys was carried away the flood.

That's a lie, that's a lie
That's a lie, a lie, a lie!

An' when this ram was z dead, sir, they buried it in St Joan's,
It tool ten men an' an elephant to carry one of it's bones.

That's a lie, that's a lie
That's a lie, a lie, a lie!