---Intro: 
Good morning Tri-Town/
It's 70 and sunny/
And you heard it here first/
In case you didn't know/
Cuz we all thought he was dead/
The Gug! THE GUG IS BACK!!!/
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!/
 [bad word] 
I clock in, no stoppin, until I hit the floor/
whatcha whatcha want Gug?, EENIE MEENIE MINIE MOE/
bottle, short, or tall?, EENIE MEENIE MINIE MOE/
EENIE MEENIE MINIE MOE its EENIE MEENIE MINIE MOE/
I clock in, no stoppin, until I hit the floor/
whatcha whatcha want Gug?, EENIE MEENIE MINIE MOE/
Vodka, [bad word]  EENIE MEENIE MINIE MOE/
EENIE MEENIE MINIE MOE its EENIE MEENIE MINIE MOE/

---1st Verse:
Its time to go, tie up your laces/
there's no room for 12's cuz my [bad word] filled with cases/
I'm headed to the bar on a mission to smash out/
all the booze n beer in the bar until I crash out/
I'm drinkin miller lites callin shots like a sergeant /
fillin up cups like a breast enlargement/
and its really really got my mind in a daze/
I feel like Kyle Korver when im poppin trays/
and I dont stop for days I go on three week binges/
Hart Street n 30 boyyy, thats where the Eng is/
your face cringes when I do my duties dandily/
other beer chuggers, man you [bad word] couldnt handle me/

---2nd Verse:
I'm always scummy, always actin like a dummy/
always buzzed cuz There's always beer up in my tummy/
I drink and let my mind fade away like Michael Jordan/
I bet I got a beer up in my hand when I'm recording/
I'm Irish and German, now that's a [bad word] 
I'm king kongin bongs like I was drinkin in a congo/
gorilla warfare? shut up and gimme more beer/
I drink so many bombs you'd think I'm bout to start a war here/
two seconds or less, yea that boy so mystic/
amazed for days, they call me super-cala-fraja-listic/
don't make me go ballistic/
put a hundred on a chug but do you really wanna risk it?/
let it be known my beers never get nursed (Nuh uh)/
I gets the party started like december thirty-first (Uh huh)/
so put away your cookies and gimme a beer for a snack/
I'm like a catcher playin the field cuz I be throwin em back/

---3rd Verse:
I do this for...Cavanaughs, Longshots, and White Rhino/
Engine Room, Buddy n Pals, that's where I go/
Sticks n Suds, The Pub, Three Floyds, and Vino Tini/
Northwoods, Woodhallow, [bad word] yeah thats where you'll see me/
every day I get up, I know i'm gettin lit up/
thanks to all my bartenders servin all that [bad word] up/
Kristin, Jo, Michelle, Teresa, Lisa, Jess, n Pam/
servin up that [bad word] that'll hit cha like BAM/
the sky's my limit, I dont stop until I pass out/
hauled so many kegs that i blew my [bad word] back out/ [bad word] you blew your back out? yea, i need a backbrace/
suckin on my beer like a nipple when it lacktates/
still banned from Sheffields, awww bummer/
over a bunch of stupid [bad word] I did last summer/
you can ban me from your bar i'll still be sneakin in the back door/
might be an alcoholic but at least I aint a crackwhore/