The [bad word] from the musical romance "Pacific 1860" which was presented at the Theatre Royal, [bad word] Lane at the end of 1946. 

[Verse 1]

We all of us have relations,
Our crosses in life we bear,
gloomy group of uncles, cousins and aunts.
We meet them in railway stations,
In Harrods, or Chester Square,
And always on the Channel boat to France.
We have to be polite to them,
They sometimes send us pheasants.
We always have to write to them
To thank for Christmas presents.
These family obligations
Admittedly are a bore
But I possess one uncle that I positively adore.

[Refrain 1]

Poor Uncle Harry
Wanted to be a missionary
So he took a ship and sailed away.
This visionary,
Hotly pursued by dear Aunt Mary,
Found a South Sea Isle on which to stay.
The natives greeted them kindly and invited them to dine
On yams and clams and human hams and vintage coconut wine,
The taste of which was filthy, but the after-effects divine.

Poor Uncle Harry
Got a bit [bad word] and longed to tarry.
This, Aunt Mary couldn't quite allow.
She lectured him severely on a number of church affairs
But when she'd gone to bed he made a getaway down the stairs,
For he longed to find the answer to a few of the maiden's prayers.
Uncle Harry's not a missionary now.

Poor Uncle Harry
After a chat with dear Aunt Mary
Thought the time [bad word] to make a row.
He lined up all the older girls in one of the local sheds
And while he was reviling them, and tearing himself to shreds
They took their Mother Hubbards off and tied them around their heads.
Uncle Harry's not a missionary now.
He's awfully happy
But he's certainly not a missionary now!

[Verse 2]

Now Uncle was just a 'seeker',
'dreamer' sincerely blest,
Of this there couldn't be a shadow of doubt.
The fact that his flesh was weaker
Than even Aunt Mary guessed
Took even her some time to figure out.
In all those languid latitudes
The atmosphere's exotic,
To take up moral attitudes
Would be too idiotic,
Though nobody could be meeker
Than Uncle had been before
I bet today he's giving way
At practically every pore!

[Refrain 2]

Poor Uncle Harry
Having [bad word] a missionary
Found the natives' morals rather [bad word] 
He and Aunt Mary
Quickly imposed an arbitrary
Ban upon them shopping in the nude.
They all considered this silly and they didn't take it well,
They burned his boots and several suits and wrecked the Mission Hotel,
They also burnt his mackintosh, which made a disgusting smell.

Poor Uncle Harry
After some words with dear Aunt Mary
Called upon the chiefs for a pow-wow.
They didn't brandish knives at him, they really were awfully sweet,
They made concerted dives at him and offered him things to eat,
But when they threw their wives at him he had to admit defeat.
Uncle Harry's not a missionary now.

Poor dear Aunt Mary
Though it were revolutionary
Thought her time [bad word] to take a bow.
Poor Uncle Harry looked at her, in whom he had placed his [bad word] 
His very last illusion broke and [bad word] away to dust,
For she'd placed a flower behind her ear and frankly...exposed... her bust.
Uncle Harry's not a missionary now.
He's left the island,
But he's certainly not a missionary now.