Dr. Kelso: Hello, I'm Dr. Kelso, I'm delighted that you came
 So the doctors say you fainted, and you don't know what's to blame
 Well, put your mind at ease, there's no ill we can't outsmart
 On behalf of all who work here...

 All: [bad word] to Sacred Heart!

 J.D: Our facilities are excellent! You couldn't ask for more
 Janitor: As long as you avoid the bathrooms on the second floor
 Dr. Kelso: This is Dr. Cox, I'll be giving him your chart
 Dr. Cox: And that's Dr. Kelso -- the kiss [bad word] of Sacred Heart!

 Turk: You say you burned your hand real bad -- we'll fix you up with gauze
 Elliot: Perhaps you need your fat sucked out -- or want a smaller schnoz!
 J.D: Hey!

 Dr. Kelso: You caught an S.T.D. from some tasty little tart?
 All: We swear
 We won't judge you here at Sacred...
 Here at Sacred...
 Here at Sacred Heart!

 ...

 Dr. Kelso: One more thing that I should mention
 If what I've heard is [bad word]  And everyone appears to be singing to you....

 All: Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh!

 Dr. Kelso: Your case is very serious! And we'd better start!

 All:
 'Cause if you think we're singing, you belong at Sacred Heart!
 Doctors! Nurses! Patients! Dead guys!
 [bad word] to Sacred Heart!