I love you like kings love queens
Like a [bad word] geneticist loves designer jeans
I need you like New Orleans needs a drought
Like Hitler's father needed to learn to pull out
And I want you
Yeah like a lawyer/mathematician wants some kinda proof
And I want you
Like JFK wanted a car with a roof

Because love is taking that dive then getting [bad word] and peeing in the pool
And love is a real life [bad word]  minus all the stuff that makes [bad word] cool
And love is a homeless guy searching for treasure in the middle of the rain and
Finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate and
Even though hes heartbroken he [bad word] cause he was hungry in the first place

Because I love you like Dora loves maps
Like the pope's toilet loves holy craps (It's a little one)
I need you like a voyeur needs a branch
Like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of Neverland Ranch

And I want you yeah like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same never want to conform
And I want you like Ann Frank wanted nobody to read her [bad word] diary
Cause a diary's a collection of secret things no one's supposed to read that's the whole point of a diary
Millions of people have breached this little girl's privacy after she was chased by [bad word] s kick her while she's down

And if we met in 10000 BC I was your caveman you's my cavelady
If we got hot we'd [bad word] If we got hungry we'd go clubbin
There's woolly mammoths but I will protect us your making me devolve to a homoerectus

And if we met in 1780 I was a white Southern Aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark-skinned servant lady...Slave
Whenever I could get away from the Mrs. I'd go to your [bad word] and then I'd steal you kisses
But lets be serious I'd still work you full time as a slave there's a difference between romantic language and [bad word] disregard for socioeconomic trends

And if we met in 1941
I was a [bad word] you's a Gypsy on [bad word] (That's a little redundant)
That, probably wouldn't have worked out (Ok...)

Because love is your favorite food for every breakfast lunch and dinner
And love is the holocaust if you don't die quick and you don't get thinner
And love is being the owner of [bad word] that makes rape whistles
And even though you started [bad word] with good intentions trying to decrease the rate of rape
Now you don't want to decrease it at all cause if the rape rate declines you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales
Without rapists who's gonna buy your whistles?
Yeah love is all about........Whistles