sometimes when I'm lying in bed 
my heartbeat shakes my whole body 
and it scares me because I'm alive, 
I have no God, 
he has forsaken me, 
you have a God, 
you're so happy, 
he loves you, 
he is your friend, 
I'm starting to think 
there's no such thing as love, 
I never want to let myself open up ever again 
but I know 
that I will 
I will fold into millionths 
an accumulate these creases 
in my edges like [bad word] 
paper air 
and keeping keep ripping 
I want to 
rip my stretchmarks open and bleed