Dear slim, I wrote you but you still ain’t callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not of got em
There was probably a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot ’em
But anyways, [bad word] it, what’s been up, hows your daughter?
My girlfriend’s pregnant too, I’m ’bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what ima call her? ima name her
Bonnie...
I read about your uncle ronnie too I’m sorry
I had a friend kill himself over a [bad word] who didn’t want him
I know you probably hear this everyday but I’m your biggest fan
I even got the underground [bad word] that you did with scam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the [bad word] you did with rawkus too that [bad word] was phat
Anyways I hope you get this man, hit me back, just to chat
 [bad word] yours, your biggest fan, this is stan

Dear slim, you still haven’t called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain’t mad, I just think it’s [bad word] up that you don’t answer fans
If you didn’t wanna talk to me outside of the concert
You didn’t have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for matthew
That’s my little brother, he’s only six years old
We waited in the blisterin’ cold for you, for 4 hours and you just said no
Thats pretty [bad word] man you’re like his [bad word] idol
He wants to be just like you man he likes you more than I do
I ain’t that mad though I just don’t like being lied to
Remember when we met in demburg, you said if I write you
You would write back, see I’m just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither, he used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you’re sayin in your songs
So when I have a [bad word] day, I ripped away and put ’em on
Cuz I don’t really got [bad word] else so that [bad word] helps when I’m depressed
I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest
Sometimes I used to cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It’s like adrenaline, but pain is such a [bad word] for me
And everything you say is real, and I respect you cuz you tell it
My girlfriend’s jealous cuz I talk about you 24/7
But she don’t know you like I know you slim, no one does
She don’t know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I’ll be the biggest fan you’ll ever lose
Sincerely yours, stan, ps: we should be together too

Dear mr. i’m-too-good-to-call-or-write-my-fans
This’ll be the last package I ever send your [bad word] 
It’s been 6 months and still no word, I don’t deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters, I wrote the addresses on ’em perfect
So this is my cassette I’m sendin’ you, I hope you hear it
I’m in the car right now, I’m doin’ 90 on the freeway
Hey slim, I drank a 5th of vodka, dare me to drive?
You know that song by bill collins ’in the air in the night’
Where that guy coulda saved that other guy from drownin’
But didn’t, then bill saw it all and at a show he found him
That’s kinda how this is, you coulda rescued my from drownin’
Now it’s too late, I’m on a 1000 downers now I’m drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall
I love you slim, we coulda been together, think about it
 [bad word] it now, I hope you can’t sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can’t sleep and you scream about it
I hope your conscience eats through you and you can’t breathe without me
See slim....shut up [bad word] I’m tryin to talk
Hey slim, that’s my girlfriend screamin in the [bad word] 
But I didn’t slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain’t like you
Cuz if she suffocates then she’ll suffer more and then she’ll die too
Well, gotta go, I’m almost at the bridge now
Oh [bad word]  I forgot, how’m I supposed to send this [bad word] out?

Dear stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend’s pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, I’m reall