This old man,
He plays one,
He plays one on his old [bad word] 
Oh yes, yes, yes, uh huh,
Well he plays one on his old [bad word]  uh huh.

This old man,
He plays two,
He plays two on his kazoo,
Oh yes, yes, yes, uh huh,
Ah he plays two on his kazoo, uh huh.

This old man,
He plays three,
He plays three on his ukilalie,
Ah huh, yes, yes, ah huh,
He plays three on his ukilalie, uh huh.

This old man,
He plays four,
He plays four on his guitar,
Oh yes, yes, yes, uh huh,
Well he plays four on his guitar, uh huh.

This old man,
He plays five,
He plays five with his friend Clive,
Oh yes, yes, yes, uh uh,
Oh he plays five with his friend Clive, uh huh.

This old man, he plays one,
This old man, he plays two,
This old man, he plays three,
This old man, he plays four,
This old man, he plays five,
Nick nack, patty wack.