You fell for the first option presented of new rebirth.
You couldn't see it but you thought you'd believe it
since your soles cramping up have been swollen and sore,
your new shoes back then just don't fit anymore.
You retraced the same shape, cut up and re-sewn
when you felt abandoned when you felt alone.

And on new years,
you resolved to make your chaos external.
Duress of sickening kinds. half year blacked out of my mind.
No string traced back to a place-marker.
Alleviate/erase failed attempts at [bad word] machines.
Got drained when the [bad word] became vampiracy.
Bit off more that could chew and then swallowed it whole.
I choked on your temper when you felt alone.
The sirens cry loudly.
I am reflexive.
I cry loudly.
You put my picture in framing
hung forever
left me strangling
called me "baby".

and with your nature reversed and
our home as our cage
you caved and you asked
"Is [bad word] of age?"
As you climbed out the window
your face cold as stone
you lifted the towel
your wrist showed the bone.
I held my breath in the ER
I swayed as I stood.
I tried to stay steady
and protect you the best that I could.
You pretended to sleep the entire ride home
but I heard you crying when you felt alone.