I remember the rosary, the Catechism, the stations of the cross,
The plenary indulgence, and I know it isn't this.
Depression and nightmares and panic through and through.
Although I've been successful there's always more to do.
There are many things I know I've done to help me to survive,
But I will never tell anyone as long as I'm alive.
There's times it seems there's no way out, not any to escape,
Because of abuse and turmoil, and trauma, and of rape.
I feel eyes upon me every minute of the day,
Hiding all aroud me, I turn my head away.
I've seen them in my bedroom when I'm exhausted and I'm done,
I've been seein em for years now, but I've never told anyone.
I'm walkin into doors and walls cuz I'm not at all there,
I've split from a reality, of what I didn't want to share.
I can tune out of conversations and with what the outside world is.
And  just didn't matter in my relationships.
You can't rely on feelings when love and [bad word] is first betrayed.
I entered ual situations I didn't even really want to make.
Cause I was anxious I was bored, any non-ual need.
When abuse is matched with affection or protection it misleads.
I say drop what you do and listen, cause now it's me that calls the shots.
This is the sign of a life, of out of control adults.
I sometimes drink to oblivion, in spite of what I know.
I sometimes create chaos, anywhere I go.
Always anxious, always have to move to help me to forget,
feelings of little value, or of humiliation yet.
Because there was no one there for me, I expect people to leave.
So I repeatedly test them, this is what you've done to me.
I know the way I've overworked myself has turned out positively
And many other people don't have my opportunities,
but goodness yeah, you can make it,
You are well on your way to heal,
Because you already know it,
and you already know the deal.
You are not alone this is sadism,
and this is not your fault.
And who would choose to live through this,
no it is not yours at all,
and you know that this was given to you,
so let's put it out of your home.
And you know that this is not yours,
And you are not alone.