Grandma screams at the Jersey cow,
                         And talks about a girl named Kate
                            Alligator goes on a drinking jag
                       And wipes his eyes with haste
                        railroad steamboat whistle too
                           Jim rehearses yesterday's news
                              Mom went to work with the bathtub blues
                             And Jack's in the sack with the grip

Yeah, Jack's in the sack, he's flat on his back
Jack's in the sack with the grip
Pete's in the street with 19th fleet
And Bob's got a girl on the strip
People of the court and we all got stoned
The department of [bad word] and took our phone
Mitch pulled the switch and we all went home
Jack's in the sack with the grip

Out in the wildwood, a sitting on a chair
The sun goes down at night
Trying to hog that centerline
Is a knock down drag out fight
Hubert Humphrey's got the flu
Cassius Clay and Timbuktu
Someone siezed his biscuit too
And Jack's in the sack with the grip

Put on your night shirt, wear it in the hall
And paint all the doorknobs black
Build a fire with the TV Guide
And put all your shoes in a sack
Stick your hand in the same old grind
Sing it to the tune of Sweet Adeline
And sign your name at the base of her spine
'Cause Jack's in the sack with the grip

Jack's in the sack, he's flat on his back
Jack's in the sack with the grip
I'm on the desk with an army sword
And George did a Cajun flip
Pete pulled a cork and we all got stoned
Sang about a place where the buffalo roam
Mitch pulled a switch and we all went home.

And Jack's in the sack with the grip
Jack's in the sack with the grip.