Step right up
We bring to you the finest entertainment
And I would be pleased to be your humble servant
Accept your hospitality, indulge in abnormality

Step right up
We've something here for everyone's enjoyment
I do this as a gift, note for employment
Appalled by my insanity, approached with your humanity [bad word] see our girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a [bad word] of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after 4 o' clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited [bad word] see the girls, girls, girls

Some of them are really quite attractive, you can see
Some are [bad word] hideous, I'm sure that you'll agree
Well others still look rather quite a lot like you and me
But you mustn't let them fool you, just one [bad word] 
You shouldn't look this one too long in the eye
And that one, let's just keep walking by
This ain't no ordinary girl, and we've a steady supply
Grab another cup of tea, and follow me

To see our girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a [bad word] of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after 4 o' clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited [bad word] see the girls, girls, girls

Now, has anybody any clever questions for your guide
For a penny more, go on and ask, we have nothing here to hide.

Quiet down! You sir
If insanity's "can't understand The Blessed Contessa"
And according to the medics, that are far into genetics
Are they born with disease, or is it something they can track

It has all to do with reproductive organs
Which are naturally unstable in a day
You see from lunar, we have lunatic, and lunacy, and looney
And they're always ovulating by the cycle of the moon

I have a question
Has any patient ever been released
Would you send her home if her bizarre behavior would decrease
For the good of our society, they oughtn't reproduce
So while they may pretend propriety, we'll never let them loose [bad word] see our girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a [bad word] of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after 4 o' clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited [bad word] see the girls, girls, girls

Some are born mad
Some achieve madness
Some have madness [bad word] upon them
This is the real thing my friends, 100 percent, authentic, mentally-ill
Except just for substitutions
For a little extra on the side, you can arrange
For a slightly more intimate encounter, wink wink
For a tuppence, just a tuppence, a handful of pills to feed the inmates
We've got pills for depression, oppression, repression, manic depression
But there's a pill for everything now-a-days

How big is a lady's brain?
It's really very, very small, a simple thought is quite a strain
This seems just a bit inhumane
It's just a simple, little shot, it doesn't cause her any pain

They're really more like animals than people
Without [bad word]  I wouldn't have any stalls at all [?]
The only bit that aren't interior are bosom and posterior
And these are only useful in a seeing music hall

They don't bite, well she might
I say this one does look hungry tonight
So get your picture with an inmate
But be sure she's locked up tight

They're practically wild sir
Protect your child sir
They can't recall the taste of freedom
They're just happy if we feed them

So