Krampus: 'Round the world it's all the same

Children freeze when they hear my name

Krampus please, don't beat me so

But do I listen? Sadly, no

Eighty percent of kids end up turnin' into dirtbags

I just laugh

But Steve, oh Steve, you are the worst

Slap the butt with a branch of birch

Shake them chains 'til your ears go numb

See now just what you've [bad word] 

Show you that life is pain

Not some silly stupid game

We do it my way

And because you haven't learned your lesson

You get the rod

You get the rod

Steve: Swear to God, do not touch me.

Krampus: You see Steve, you don't know anything about pain.

Steve: Yes I do.

Krampus: Pain is having a girl named Sheila walk out on you in the middle of downtown Baltimore for some guy named Dennis who worked as a mechanic and made twice as much money as you.

Steve: What?

Krampus: These are things you know nothing about boy but I'm here to show you.

Ahh, ahh, I'm gonna punish you

You ain't experienced all that I've been through

Sheila said that kid was mine

But it looked just like Dennis

That [bad word] Dennis

And because you haven't learned your lesson

You get the rod

You get the rod