1. I was a jolly farmer, last night [bad word] to town,
                                                   
   To bring a bale of cotton, I'd work the whole year round,
                                                      
   Put my team in the wagon yard and got some mountain dew,
                                                             
   I went out to see the electric lights and take in a party or two.

                                        
1a I met a dude out on the street, the clock was a'striking nine,
                                                  
   He [bad word] in old hayseed, have a drink, it's fine,
                                                      
   Well, I must a'bought a dozen, it hit my pocketbook a'hard,
                                                             
   I wished I'd a bought me half a pint and stayed in the wagon yard.

2. Now listen to me you farmers, I'm a'here to talk some sense,
   If you want to see them electric lights, just look over your back
fence,
   And when you [bad word] to town, just stay right with your pard,
   Go get yourself a half a pint and stay in the wagon yard.

3. The next dern time [bad word] to town, loaded to the gills,
   I'll watched them dudes like chicken hawks that circles around the
hills,
   I'll keep my money in my jeans and forever be on guard,
   I'll get myself a half a pint and stay in the wagon yard.

3a And when that dude, [bad word] around for me to buy him booze,
   I'll hit him in the head so quick he'll feel it in his shoes,
   He'll think he's met a wildcat, I'll hit that dude so hard,
   He'll wish I'd a'bought me half a pint and stayed in the wagon yard.