We all know [bad word] and his shining nose
And we all know Frosty who's made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of... [bad word] `Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Small and brown [bad word] from you
Sit on the toilet here [bad word] Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns

present from down below
Spreading joy with a "Howdy-Ho!"
He's seen the love inside of you
`Cause he's a piece of poo

Sometimes he's nutty
Sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown
(Mmmmhmmm!)
But if you eat fiber on Christmas eve 
He [bad word] to your town!

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
He loves me, I love you
Therefore, vicariously he loves you!

I can make a Mr. Hankey too! (Pffffft)

Cartman: Well Kyle where is he?
Kyle: Ehh .. [bad word]  [bad word] on dude, push!
Kyle: Ehhhh... I'm Trying!
Cartman: Wait, wait I can see his head!
Kyle: Here [bad word] 

[POP!]

Mr. Hankey: Howdy Ho!

I'm Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Seasons Greetings to all of you!
Let's sing songs and dance and play
Now before I melt away.

Here's a game I like to play
Stick me in your mouth and try to say
Howdy ho ho yum yum yum
Christmas Time [bad word] 

Singers: Sometimes [bad word] 
Sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he practically water.
Sometimes he hangs off the end of your [bad word] And wont fall in the toilet
'Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter
And he wont drop off .. and so you shake your [bad word] around
And try to get it to drop in the toilet and finally it does.

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
When Christmas leaves he must leave too.
Flush him down but he's never gone
His smell and his spirit linger on.

Howdy Ho!