I have a problem I need help someone please give it to me
I have no control of my tongue, my tongue has control of me
It wakes up everyday hours before me, ready to start the day
Doesn’t want to be cleaned, doesn’t want to eat, just wants to go out and lick

I can’t stop licking everything from Jungle Gyms to children’s swings
To the book of Scientology to this random ladies [food] baby
Don’t let me go into a store, my tongue will have a shopping spree
This is why I have no friends
And no remaining family cause they are freaked out by me oh no

Maybe I can make the best of this
I can work at the post office
Or keep your window [bad word] ‘n Span
Keep asking if I’m dripping on your hand
Help my housekeeper with dishes
Help her clean hard to reach places
Maybe this curse can be a blessing

Maybe I should take a strip of duct tape and force it to go away

But my tongue can break through anything and it’s never gonna stop licking from dirty toilet seats to figurine’s,
I’ll even lick my grandma’s [bad word] The world is my lolipop and I’m never gonna stop, nothing can get in my way, no matter what you say to me.

[William “Billy” Ray [bad word] 
Milers! What [bad word] tarnation are you doing? You can’t go around licking everything. You know you have a peanut allergy.

[Kristin Findley As Miley Ray [bad word] 
Sweet Niblets

Exempt maybe a peanut allergy, oh no now I’m seizuring oh oh I think I’m dying, oh no, no more licking.